just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
