margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize