He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
