I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
