She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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