they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize