I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
