you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Girls should come with a carfax report
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
