Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
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