so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Randomize
