forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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