My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
FUCK WHALES
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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