wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize