My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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