wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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