She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
