Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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