Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
