i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
