Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
