i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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