Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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