we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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