forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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