I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
