I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
