He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
