whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
