lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
