im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
