Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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