he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We need a shit load of segways right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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