At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
