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• (850): View more from Florida

  come over anyways, right now, right this second

  (850): View more from Florida

  it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying

  (561): View more from Florida

  wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation

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• (509): View more from Washington

  I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.

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• (718): View more from New York

  Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop

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• (469): View more from Texas

  on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people

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• (360): View more from Washington

  You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  (440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??

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