think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
