you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
