If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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