I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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