This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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