Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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