Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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