ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
