I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
