i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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