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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

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• (845): View more from New York

  I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.

  (1-715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  He's going to be my graduation present to myself.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night

  (212): View more from New York

  Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos

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• (206): View more from Washington

  What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight

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• (909): View more from California

  I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet

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