Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
