So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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