Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
