the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
