I've blown a few things in my day
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
