On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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