just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
