My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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