If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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