I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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