i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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