i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
