i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
