I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
