things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
