At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
