did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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