My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
